La adolescencia es una etapa de la vida que marca el fin de la infancia y el comienzo de la edad adulta, los cambios biológicos que se sufren durante esta transición podrán afectar al adolescente de por vida si no se le brinda la ayuda especializada, la comunicación en adolescentes puede ser difícil, es por ello que la orientación profesional puede ser de gran ayuda.
El orientador educativo está en cada escuela para servir como una guía para los estudiantes en la toma de decisiones que suelen afectar su futuro y es una manera de comunicación en adolescentes que pueden aprovechar los padres como un medio para saber cómo se sienten los jóvenes.
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La importancia de un orientador educativo en la Audición y Lenguaje es enorme, pues sus funciones están enfocadas en la ayuda y guía de los estudiantes de modo que puedan ver en él a alguien de confianza al cual poder expresar sus inquietudes y problemas. Además sus consejos tienen una gran influencia en el curso que tomen sus vidas.
Las edades comprendidas entre los 13 y los 17 años son aquellas en las que los adolescentes atraviesan la etapa de la secundaria, los cambios biológicos por los que pasan estos jóvenes suponen problemas como baja autoestima y confusión sobre su vocación y futuro.
La comunicación familiar se ve afectada debido a los cambios por los que los jóvenes están pasando, por lo que la relación entre padres e hijos puede volverse incómoda o inexistente. La comunicación en adolescentes con sus padres se torna compleja al igual que su conducta, pues están en esa etapa próxima a la independencia, pero donde aún necesitan del apoyo de sus padres.
Por ello es importante que los padres entiendan y propicien un buen diálogo con sus hijos, hablándoles de manera clara y directa, para evitar malentendidos; hacerlos sentir escuchados, mostrar interés y permitir que estos expresen sus opiniones con libertad. En caso que a los padres no les sea posible, recurrir a la ayuda del orientador escolar es invaluable en muchos casos.
El orientador escolar ayuda a derribar las barreras de la comunicación en adolescentes por medio de la conversación, el orientador siempre estará dispuesto a escuchar a los jóvenes, incluso a los que no tengan ningún problema sino solo la necesidad de hablar con alguien.
Comunicación asertiva en adolescentes
La comunicación asertiva se basa en esa postura personal con tendencia positiva a la hora de interactuar con las personas y es la capacidad de expresar las opiniones y sugerencias, evitando las descalificaciones, agresiones o enfrentamientos con los demás. No es solamente decir lo que se piensa y la manera en que se hace, sino tomar en cuenta las necesidades de los demás, es decir, ser empático, responsable de nuestras emociones y así poder conectar con las personas.
La asertividad se encuentra en un punto medio entre la pasividad y la agresividad. Los adolescentes con comportamientos pasivos, tienden a callar, evitar el conflicto y de esta manera, colocan las necesidades de otros sobre los deseos propios y aunque a corto plazo se evita conflicto, a largo plazo se acumula mucha frustración que se vuelve difícil de manejar.
En el otro extremo tenemos a los jóvenes con conductas agresivas, quienes tienden a imponer sus necesidades sobre la de los demás; les cuesta empatizar y normalmente no ceden, aunque a corto plazo obtienen lo que desean, a largo plazo tienden a mantener vínculos inestables, puesto que las personas a las que someten, suelen abandonarlos hartos de sacrificar su propio bienestar por otros.
La comunicación en adolescentes asertivos implica un diálogo de manera más respetuosa, puesto que logran manifestar positivamente sus opiniones, teniendo en cuenta tanto sus necesidades o deseos, como las necesidades de las otras personas. Es saber expresarse de una manera positiva y de igual manera saber tolerar la frustración cuando las cosas no suceden como se planean.
Importancia de la comunicación asertiva en adolescentes
Además de los puntos anteriormente desarrollados, se hace más entendible si desglosamos algunos atributos de la comunicación en adolescentes con conductas asertivas:
Hay que tomar en cuenta el papel que cumple el orientador educativo en la comunicación en adolescentes. La comunicación asertiva debe ser parte íntegra del orientador, es decir, debe ser ejemplo de aquello que intenta inculcar, ya que puede hablar y explicarlo de manera oral, pero sí con sus actitudes demuestra lo opuesto, no va a generar confianza y no motiva a los jóvenes sobre lo importante que es la comunicación asertiva.
El Audición y Lenguaje no solo está ahí para ayudar y aconsejar a los jóvenes y para motivar la comunicación en los adolescentes, sino, que también tiene entre sus funciones el servir como orientador vocacional y guiar a los jóvenes en la toma de decisión sobre la carrera que decidan estudiar a nivel universitario.
Ya que es en la etapa de la adolescencia donde se debe tomar la decisión sobre el futuro profesional y muchos jóvenes se sienten ansiosos y presionados, por la indecisión de qué carrera escoger.
El contar con una guía que oriente la decisión en base a ciertos parámetros del estudiante, tanto en niveles académicos, como emocionales, permite aliviar este estrés y tomar la decisión adecuada.
Para llevar a cabo su trabajo de la forma más óptima en cuanto a orientación académica, el orientador educativo se basa en el perfil académico y personal del estudiante de modo que sea capaz de presentarle un plan de posibles carreras a estudiar según sus gustos, aptitudes y las calificaciones que ha obtenido hasta el momento.
Esta tarea también debe llevarla a cabo junto al psicólogo escolar, ya que trabajando en equipo, podrán elaborar mejores planes para ayudar y orientar a los jóvenes estudiantes.
La comunicación entre padres, hijos y el orientador vocacional
Para motivar el diálogo entre padres e hijos y fortalecer la comunicación en adolescentes, el orientador educativo deberá aprovechar las reuniones de padres y representantes para conocerlos y acercarse a ellos, establecer un vínculo de confianza y ofrecerles un espacio seguro donde puedan expresarse libremente.
Conocer a los padres puede ayudar al orientador a completar el perfil psicológico de los estudiantes, además siempre es ideal conversar con los representantes y discutir de este modo las calificaciones y la conducta de los estudiantes; de ser necesario resolver las inquietudes de los padres referente a las proyecciones profesionales de los jóvenes y brindarles el apoyo necesario.
Si te interesa ayudar a los jóvenes y eres bueno escuchando a otros, tal vez puedas considerar ser un orientador escolar y mejorar la comunicación en adolescentes ¿Te animas a intentarlo? Si es así, en la Escuela de Negocios especializada en formación online Audición y Lenguaje tenemos esperando por ti el Audición y Lenguaje con el que sin duda podrás aprender mucho más al respecto así que ¿Qué estás esperando?
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La primera regla para fomentar la comunicación entre usted y su hijo es simple: Nunca deje de intentarlo.
“Los padres no deben malinterpretar la falta de respuesta como una señal de que sus hijos no les están escuchando”, dice el Dr. Robert Blum, director del programa de salud del adolescente en los Hospitales University en Minneapolis, y padre de tres hijos. Por el contrario, dice la Dra. Lia Gaggino, pediatra en Kalamazoo, Michigan. “Los niños quieren hablar y quieren sus comentarios”, aún si sus expresiones faciales y su lenguaje corporal parecen decir lo contrario. Los siguientes consejos le ayudarán tanto a escuchar como a hablar en formas que mantenga la comunicación abierta entre usted y su hijo.
Escuche. Realmente escuche. “El padre que escucha es el padre al que lo escuchan”, dice la Dra. Roberta Beach, directora de las clínicas pediátricas y de adolescentes de Westside en Denver. Ella, como muchos otros expertos, recomienda practicar el escuchar activamente, lo que también se conoce como escuchar reflexivamente. Ponga mucha atención al lenguaje corporal de su hijo, el tono y la inflexión de su voz y sus expresiones faciales, todo lo que transmita información importante.
Después de que su adolescente termine de hablar, clarifique el problema o pregunta repitiéndole su interpretación de la idea central o emoción que está tratando de expresar, sin juzgar ni criticar: “Quiero estar seguro de que estoy escuchándote correctamente, así que déjame repetir lo que acabas de decir. ¿Tu maestro de geometría se burló de ti en clase por dar la respuesta equivocada y todos los niños se rieron?”.
Puede indagar más y preguntar con sutileza cómo cree que se siente. Esto requiere la capacidad de la empatía, ponernos en los la posición de nuestros hijos y reflexionar sobre cómo nos hubiéramos sentido a esa edad en las mismas circunstancias. El vocabulario más amplio de un padre y su comprensión pueden ayudar a un adolescente a salir adelante de sentimientos conflictivos y expresarse con mayor exactitud.
“Parece que estabas realmente herido y enojado con tu maestro. Sé, que si hubiera sido yo, ciertamente me hubiera sentido así”.
Sin embargo, debe tener cuidado.
Si identificó bien el sentimiento, su adolescente podría responder (sin duda, asombrado) “¡Bien, mamá, tú realmente comprendes!” Pero si malinterpretó los sentimientos de su hijo, probablemente se enoje aún más, aún acusándole de no escuchar o no interesarse. Si dijera lleno de exasperación, “Tú simplemente no entiendes”, la Dra. Adele Hofmann sugiere que le responda, “Bueno, me encantaría entender.
¿Por qué no me lo explicas?”
Evite ofrecer consejo hasta que esté seguro de tener todos los detalles.
Luego pregunte, “¿Te gustaría saber lo que creo que sería la mejor manera de manejar esto?”
“Está bien…”
Solo entonces ofrezca su opinión sobre cómo cree que podría resolver los asuntos.
Vea a su adolescente cuando estén hablando. Le sorprenderá cuántas veces no levantamos la vista del periódico, la televisión o del lavado de los trastos cuando hablamos con nuestros hijos. Mantener el contacto visual es sólo una forma de comunicar silenciosamente, “Estoy realmente interesado en lo que tienes que decir”.
No interrumpa. La misma sugerencia que les damos a nuestros hijos aplica también para nosotros. Respete su derecho a expresar su opinión, aún si no está de acuerdo con ella. Y, si su punto de vista está basado en un mal concepto, escúchelo antes de corregirlo, con tacto, sin ser transigente.
Cuide el tono de su voz. Preguntar es una cosa; interrogar, usando un tono acusador, es otra cosa. Debe hacer su mejor esfuerzo para no contestar mal a su adolescente, como hacemos a veces cuando estamos presionados con el tiempo o agotados al final del día.
Haga preguntas que estimulen la conversación. ¡Use sus recursos! Cree oportunidades para discutir haciendo preguntas que animen a los jóvenes a describir, explicar, compartir opiniones; mientras más específicas sean estas preguntas y más se basen en lo que usted ya sabe que está en la mente de su hijo, más eficaces serán. “¿Le gustó a tu clase de inglés tu discurso de esta mañana?” funcionará mucho mejor que “¿Cómo estuvo la escuela hoy?”
Aproveche las oportunidades para conversar cada vez que pueda.
Algunas veces dejamos de hablar (posponemos) con nuestros hijos, esperando el momento perfecto para hacerlo. Con los estilos de vida tan apresurados en la actualidad, esos momentos ideales llegan muy pocas veces. Los viajes en auto son momentos maravillosos para hablar, aunque sea por la simple razón de que ambos que están atentos, en un ambiente libre de muchas distracciones. Otro beneficio es que cuando están en el auto, generalmente se sientan paralelos uno al otro, no cara a cara, lo que hace el ambiente menos propicio para la confrontación.
Siéntase libre de compartir sus propias experiencias de vida, aún aquellas que podrían no hacerlo quedar muy bien. Decimos esto con cierta reserva. Algunas veces los padres revelan detalles de su pasado, en forma inadecuada. Antes de entretener a su hijo con historias malas de su pasado, pregúntese, “¿Es bueno para mi hijo saber esto sobre mí?”
Dicho esto, su adolescente puede apreciar escuchar cómo fue castigado una vez por la abuela y el abuelo por haberse escapado de la escuela para ir a pasear con su amigo en su nuevo auto.
Sin embargo, prepárese para la posibilidad de un público no interesado y a respuestas que van desde, “Ah no, ya vas a empezar otra vez…” a, “¡Pero eso sucedió cuando tú eras niño!” No se preocupe: En algún momento su adolescente reflexionará sobre lo que usted dijo.
Asegure a su hijo repetidamente que puede contar con usted para cualquier problema, luego cumpla su promesa de aceptación incondicional. Si transmite sorpresa o disgusto, aún no verbalmente, creara barreras entre ustedes. “Puedo no aprobar todo lo que haces”. dice usted, “pero sin importar lo que pase, siempre te amaré”.
Manténgase alerta para cualquier señal de que su adolescente quiere hablar. Su hijo puede estar ansiosamente deseando contarle algo pero se siente cohibido, o asustado, o simplemente no sabe cómo empezar. Las señales de que puede tener algo en mente incluyen:
Si lo hubieran agarrado, ¿estaría en grandes problemas?”Si no se siente cómodo discutiendo ciertos asuntos cara a cara, escríbale a su hijo o hija una carta. “Las cartas son una gran manera de dejar fluir sus pensamientos de forma fluida”, dice el Dr. Ray Coleman, pediatra en Rockville, Maryland. “Además le da un registro escrito de sus sentimientos y consejos”.
No debe considerar a una carta como un sustituto de la comunicación oral, pero cuando se abordan temas potencialmente volátiles, pueden permitirle expresarse más cuidadosamente de lo que podría hacerlo en persona. Además, es menos probable que expresar sus preocupaciones por escrito provoque una respuesta defensiva o inicie un conflicto, simplemente porque usted no está físicamente allí.
Además es el foro perfecto para decir “Te amo” o hacer un halago.
Identifique a otros adultos con los que su hijo pueda hablar libremente. Aún si tiene una relación excepcional con su adolescente, podría haber momentos en los que él necesite la perspectiva de otro adulto que lo apoye. ¿Qué sucede si usted es una madre soltera cuyo hijo de doce años tiene preguntas acerca de los cambios en su cuerpo? Podría preferir hablar con su tío, un primo mayor o el papá de su mejor amigo, que hablarle a su madre.
The information contained on this Web site should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.
One of the main trends of adolescence is the reorientation of communication from parents, teachers and elders in general to peers who are more or less equal in position.
Such a reorientation can occur slowly and gradually or abruptly and violently; it is expressed differently in different spheres of activity, in which, as we have seen, the prestige of elders and peers is not the same, but it does happen.
The need to communicate with peers who cannot be replaced by parents occurs very early in children and increases with age. Already among preschoolers, the absence of peer society has a negative effect on the development of communication skills and self-awareness. The behavior of adolescents is essentially collective-group. nine0003
First, communication with peers is a very important specific channel of information ; from it, teenagers and young men learn many necessary things that, for one reason or another, adults do not tell them. For example, a teenager receives most of the information on gender issues from peers, so their absence can delay his psychosexual development or make him unhealthy.
Secondly, is a specific kind of interpersonal relationship .
Group play and other types of joint activities develop the necessary skills of social interaction, the ability to obey collective discipline and at the same time defend their rights, correlate personal interests with public ones. Outside the society of peers, where relationships are built fundamentally on an equal footing and status must be earned and able to be maintained, a child cannot develop the communicative qualities necessary for an adult. The competitiveness of group relationships, which is not present in relationships with parents, also serves as a valuable life school. nine0003
Thirdly, it is a specific kind of emotional contact . The consciousness of group belonging, solidarity, comradely mutual assistance not only facilitates the adolescent’s autonomy from adults, but also gives him an extremely important sense of emotional well-being and stability. Whether he managed to earn the respect and love of equals, comrades, is of decisive importance for the self-esteem of a teenager.
The psychology of communication in adolescence and youth is built on the basis of the contradictory interweaving of two needs: isolation (privatization) and affiliation, that is, the need for belonging, inclusion in some group or community. nine0003
Separation most often manifests itself in emancipation from the control of elders. However, it also applies to relationships with peers.
“Now there is no desire to appear in the yard, where there is always noise and din, I want to retire, dream or think about something, I want to stand by the picture alone, wander around the city, and then return to the guys again,” writes an eighth grader.
There is a growing need not only for social, but also for spatial, territorial autonomy, the inviolability of one’s personal space . “All my childhood and youth, I passionately and hopelessly dreamed of my room, where I would live alone, about four walls in which I would feel like a person, would find myself”), recalls Francois Mauriac.
“As soon as I had my own room, I also had an inner life,” writes Anatole France. “I got the opportunity to think, reflect … It was the only one for me, incomparable. She separated me from the universe, and in her I found the universe.
In adolescence, ideas about the content of such concepts as «loneliness» and «solitude» change. Children usually interpret them as some kind of physical state (“there is no one around”), while adolescents fill these words with a psychological meaning, attributing to them not only a negative, but also a positive value. nine0003
The English psychologist John Coleman (1974) suggested that 11-13 and 15-17 year old boys and girls complete the unfinished phrases «When there is no one around…» and «If a person is alone…». Their responses were then classified into positive (for example: “When there is no one around, I am happy because I can do what I want”) and negative (for example: “If a person is alone, he starts to get nervous”). It turned out that from adolescence to adolescence, the number of positive judgments increases, while negative ones decrease.
If a teenager is afraid to be alone, then a young man appreciates solitude. nine0003
The more independent and purposeful a young man is, the stronger his need and ability to be alone. The great German poet Rainer-Maria Rilke wrote to a young poet that the growth of loneliness is “painful, like the growth of a boy, and sad, like the beginning of spring … It is not easy to carry it, and almost everyone is destined for the hours in which they would willingly exchange it for any — even the most common and cheap — community, even the ghost of intimacy with the first person you meet, with the most unworthy … «. But running away from him is the same as running away from yourself. Only in the silence of his own soul does a person realize the deep meaning of his personal existence. nine0003
However, in addition to calm, peaceful solitude, there is painful and intense loneliness — melancholy, a subjective state of spiritual and mental isolation, incomprehension, a feeling of an unsatisfied need for communication, human closeness.
16-year-old Ira Gavrilova writes about this contradictory feeling:
Loneliness destroys, loneliness heals, Loneliness puts pressure on fragile shoulders, Makes you think honestly and directly And answer yourself without deceit.
As the data of foreign mass surveys and clinical studies show, adolescents and young men feel lonely and misunderstood much more often than older people. Our youth newspapers also receive a lot of letters on this topic: “I have a telephone, but it is constantly silent, but I really want to hear a familiar voice, to know that someone needs you …”
Feeling of loneliness and restlessness associated with age-related difficulties in the formation of personality, gives rise in adolescents to an unquenchable thirst for communication and grouping with peers, in whose society they find or hope to find what adults deny them: spontaneity, emotional warmth, salvation from boredom and recognition of their own significance.
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The intense need for communication and affiliation even considers communication to be the leading activity of adolescence, for many children it turns into an invincible herd feeling: they cannot not only spend a day, but an hour outside their own, and if they don’t have their own, any company. This need is especially strong in boys.
Despite the similarity of the external contours of social behavior, the deep motives behind the youthful need for affiliation are individual and diverse. One seeks reinforcement of self-respect, recognition of his human value in the society of his peers. Another important sense of emotional belonging, unity with the group. The third draws the missing information and communication skills. The fourth satisfies the need to dominate, command others. For the most part, these motives are intertwined and are not recognized. nine0003
A typical feature of adolescent and youth groups is extremely high conformity . Fiercely defending their independence from their elders, adolescents are often completely uncritical about the opinions of their own group and its leaders.
The fragile, diffuse «I» needs a strong «We», which, in turn, is affirmed as opposed to some kind of «They». And all this should be rough and visible.
The passionate desire to be “like everyone else” (and “everyone” is exclusively “ours”) extends to clothing, aesthetic tastes, and behavioral style. Such a contradiction is when individuality is affirmed through uniformity — may disturb young men. “I often think, why are we “ours”, what do we have in common? We differ from others in our way of dressing, that is, we are not like “others”. But at the same time, they are like two drops of water similar to each other. We listen to the same discs, we express our delight or dislike with the same words, we say the same words to the girls …
Nevertheless, this uniformity is carefully maintained, and those who risk challenging it have to endure a difficult struggle. The more primitive the community, the more intolerant it is of individual differences, dissent, and otherness in general.
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It should be noted that the communicative features and communication style of boys and girls are not exactly the same. This applies both to the level of sociability and the nature of the affiliation.
At first glance, boys of all ages are more sociable than girls. From a very early age, they are more active than girls in contacting other children, starting games together, etc. The feeling of belonging to a peer group and communication with them is much more important for men of all ages than for women.
However, the differences between the sexes in the level of sociability are not so much quantitative as qualitative. Although fuss and power games bring great emotional satisfaction to boys, there is usually a competitive spirit in them, often the game turns into a fight. The content of joint activities and their own success in it mean more to boys than the presence of individual sympathy for other participants in the game. The boy chooses, first of all, an interesting game in which he can prove himself; for this he makes contact, even if he does not particularly like the partners.
Men’s society, like the whole lifestyle, is more objective and instrumental than expressive. nine0003
Girls’ communication looks more passive, but more friendly and selective. Judging by the data of psychological research, boys first come into contact with each other and only then, in the course of a game or business interaction, do they develop a positive attitude, a spiritual attraction to each other appears. Girls, on the contrary, come into contact mainly with those they like, the content of joint activities is relatively secondary for them.
From an early age, boys gravitate towards more extensive, and girls towards intensive communication; boys are more likely to play in large groups, and girls play in twos or threes. nine0003
The different ways of socialization of boys and girls that exist in all human societies, on the one hand, reflect, and on the other hand, create and reproduce psychological sex differences. And we are talking not just about quantitative differences in the degree of sociability of boys and girls, but about qualitative differences in the structure and content of their communication and life.
There are significant gender differences in the level of empathy (comprehension of the emotional states of another person by empathizing with him) and self-disclosure. Women, on average, are more emotionally sensitive and receptive than men, at all ages they surpass men in need and ability for self-disclosure, transferring intimate and personally significant information about themselves and their inner world to others. nine0003
Even Jean Piaget drew attention to the fact that boys and girls are not equally related to the rules of the group game. Boys, with their objective and instrumental thinking, attach more importance to the observance of general rules, the violation of which always causes conflict in the boyish environment. Girls are more tolerant in this respect, personal relationships are more important for them than formal rules; this is also reflected in the structure of their moral consciousness: men’s reasoning and assessments look more impersonal and harsh than women’s.
According to V.N. Knyazev (1981), for women, when assessing human qualities, the most significant properties are manifested in relation to other people, and for men, business qualities associated with work.
Thinking style is closely related to the characteristics of education. Girls are taught earlier and more consistently to care for others, particularly younger children. This makes them more emotionally responsive and, at the same time, communicatively vulnerable. People in need of emotional support are much more likely to seek it from women than from men, and women are more responsive to such requests. On the misfortune that befell the closest — spouses and children, men and women react equally sharply, but women notice the troubles of the people around them more often and experience more than men. Perhaps this explains the fact that women are more likely to experience psychological disorders. This was usually explained by the increased emotionality of women and their inability to overcome stressful situations, but it is known that in many such situations they are much stronger than men (A.
Chino and D. Funabiki, 1984). Be that as it may, women are much more likely than men to complain of loneliness and misunderstanding, they are twice as likely to experience a state of depression. Moreover, men in a state of depression usually complain of a lack of self-disclosure or subjective difficulties — inability to cry, loss of interest in people, a sense of social failure and painful somatic experiences, while in women’s descriptions of depression, the motive of dissatisfaction with oneself, indecision, lack of support, etc. prevails. (Derlega, 1981).
Communication style is closely related to the need to uphold the culturally accepted normative canon of masculinity or femininity. Men’s style, traditionally oriented towards maintaining status, obliges to hide one’s weaknesses and emphasize achievements and lofty ambitions. Women’s style is designed to reduce social distance and establish psychological closeness with others. This normative attitude causes men to hide their features and problems that look feminine (for example, shyness), which reduces their overall self-disclosure.
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Shyness is the most common communication difficulty in teenagers and young men. Of 2,500 American students aged 18 to 21 surveyed (R. Pilkonis and F. Zimbardo, 1979), 42 percent consider themselves shy (taking into account those who have overcome this line, the figure rises to 73 percent), and 60 percent of them see shyness as a serious problem. Her young men are especially hard pressed, since shyness is considered an “unmanly” quality. Maybe people exaggerate these difficulties? No. Psychological studies have shown that those who consider themselves shy actually have lower levels of extraversion, are less able to control and direct their social behavior, are more anxious, prone to neuroticism (this applies only to men), and experience more communication difficulties. It is not surprising that shyness is considered an undesirable quality and people seek to get rid of it (for example, through psychotherapy) (See: Dobrovich A. B. Educator on the psychology and psychohygiene of communication.
— M .: Education, 1987).
However, shyness has different causes and is closely related to other personality traits that are not always amenable to correction and in themselves cannot be considered negative.
In one psychological experiment (K. Hendrik and S. Brown, 1971), people were asked to choose the type of personality with whom they would like to work and spend leisure time together. As a rule, the subjects, regardless of their own qualities, preferred the extroverted personality type. But as soon as it was necessary to choose not a colleague or entertainment companion, but a friend, the picture changed: not only people prone to introversion, but also many extroverts preferred the introverted type in this case. Why? Introversion is associated not only with shyness and other communication difficulties, but also with a finer mental organization. This opinion has never been subjected to experimental verification, but it was and is shared by many poets and philosophers, who themselves, by the way, often experienced difficulties in communication.
As he wrote, in one of the letters A. Blok,
“a person who has realized loneliness, or at least invented it for himself, is more open in soul and is able to perceive, perhaps, what another will not perceive” (Block A. Letter to E.P. Ivanov (September 13, 1908) //Coll. cit.: In 8 vols. — M.; L., 1963. — T. 8. — S. 252).
Our shortcomings are the continuation of our virtues. You can improve your communication skills, but radically changing your communication style is just as difficult as your personality type.
Writer Leonid Bezhin subtly described a similar situation in the story «Master of Design». The young hero of this story, shy and awkward student Yuri Vasiliev, falls into the hands of an energetic psychologist who equips him with effective means of communication and influencing others. Yuri gains self-confidence, overcomes past communication difficulties. But it soon turns out that communication, organized according to rational rules, does not give him inner satisfaction and emotional warmth.
«Soul bodybuilding» forms a beautiful appearance, but not inner strength. “It turned out that shyness, which made it so difficult for him to communicate with people, helped him to communicate with himself, with his thoughts … He walked, he saw apples sprinkled with snow at the hawker, he rejoiced at a thousand things that now left him indifferent. Now he was afraid of loneliness, as all sociable people are afraid of him. He was bored with himself, and, left alone, he always picked up the phone: «Buddy, come in … let’s move somewhere together … let’s go with the whole company …» He slavishly depended on this «together .. . by the whole company”. nine0003
To alleviate their communication difficulties, adolescents and young men use a number of specific tricks, strategic techniques. The concept of strategic interaction was introduced into science by the famous American sociologist Erving Goffman (1969) to refer to situations in which communication partners catch, hide or reveal to each other some information about themselves not directly, but indirectly, with the help of special techniques and tricks.
Combining these ideas with Piaget’s theory, David Elkind (1980) noted a number of features in the communication of adolescents.
First, being constantly preoccupied with themselves and assuming that others share their preoccupation, adolescents and young men usually act in anticipation of some « imaginary audience » (one of the consequences of this is shyness). Secondly, by exaggerating their uniqueness and peculiarity, adolescents often create a «personal world» for themselves, a fictional biography, the maintenance of which requires constant effort. Therefore, teenage communication is often tense, unnatural, has a double plan. nine0003
Committing forbidden actions, from skipping classes to drinking and taking drugs, also has its second plan, designed for an imaginary audience.
Forced to maintain his « personal myth «, the teenager often gets confused himself. Once in Artek I saw a ninth grader who was telling his comrades about his services to a certain organization, business trips abroad, etc.
The guys soon saw through the lies, but, fortunately, treated him condescendingly. Unmotivated lies, like unmotivated cruelty, are incomprehensible only as long as we operate with immediate, obvious motives that do not go beyond the limits of a given single situation. In a broader personal context, if you think about what imaginary audience this scene was played out for and what imaginary past this act is related to, they are quite understandable. nine0003
Why is communication with peers so important for teenagers? — Psylogy
Communication is a complex process of interaction between people, which consists in the exchange of information, as well as in the perception and understanding of each other by partners.
Success in a particular area of life directly depends on competence and literacy in communication.
Lack of basic communication skills leads to misunderstandings and conflicts. nine0005 Communication performs a number of functions in a person’s life: organization of joint activities, development, management of behavior and activities, self-affirmation, control, psychological comfort, etc.
The ability to communicate also implies a developed degree of socio-psychological adaptation, that is, the ability of a person to adapt to the conditions of a new social environment, the ability to exert a psychological influence on others, to convince them and win them over.
In adolescence, significant adults fade into the background in communication, this is the period when communication is reoriented from parents and teachers to friends and peers. This is very important for any teenager, and how effectively the child learns to communicate will depend on his ability to build communications in the future. nine0003
Communication expands adolescents’ self-awareness. This is due to the fact that a teenager discovers his inner world, which determines his individuality and uniqueness.
Due to the fragility of the inner world, a teenager needs approval, acceptance among his peers. In early adolescence, self-knowledge occurs through communication with friends and classmates, gradually the external dialogue passes to the internal dialogue, that is, thinking about oneself. That is, the external dialogue is the threshold of the internal one. nine0003
Reference groups are formed — that is, social groups that serve as a certain standard for a teenager, this is a kind of training ground on which male and female roles are practiced and assimilated, more mature relationships with peers are established, and socially responsible behavior is formed. Consciousness of group belonging, solidarity, comradely mutual assistance gives the teenager a sense of well-being, confidence and stability.
The problem of communication is one of the most important areas of life for a teenager. All psychologists are unanimous in recognizing the importance of communication in the formation of personality in adolescence.
This period is very essential for the formation of the main structural components of the personality. The formation of the future personality depends on how communication develops. Therefore, it is very important to help teenagers develop communication skills in the situation in which they experience difficulties. nine0003
The specialists of our center offer various forms of work for adolescents to teach communication skills. Your child can sign up for an individual consultation, group training sessions, or visit our camp, where for 5 days, together with other children, he will learn effective communication skills from March 23 to March 27. Phone for inquiries 22-12-33.
The material was prepared by the specialist of the Information and Analytical Sector for social work Tyulyaeva Oksana Aleksandrovna. nine0139
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